Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy's base!
Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender gives him a smile and says, "For you, no charge."
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."
Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
What did one charged atom say to the other? I got my ion you!
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? Because he got Avogadro's number!
Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
Why should you go eating with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there's no charge!
What's a chemistry teachers favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it's pretty basic stuff.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!
Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don't think I'll be in my element.
